Cornerstones of Soul Work: Honoring Your Life

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When I work with women in SouLodge and all along my path, what I hear most is that they’re having interpersonal conflict: with their significant other, with their children, with their co-workers and bosses, with friends, exes. It can be very challenging to get started down your good road when you have baggage dragging behind you cluttering up your relationships. You can divine from the stars, cultivate radical compassion and acceptance, draw from card decks, throw the bones-none of it seems to help when relationships are in a state of imbalance.

The reason why I teach this boundaries stuff is because without them, you can’t be solid in your commitment to Spirit. The reason for this is because you are not yet solid in your commitment to yourself.

Setting limits and boundaries seems kind of like marking your territory, but what it really is about is HONORING YOUR LIFE.

We’re given this time on Earth to live our best lives to the best of our ability, with all of the information that we currently have, at any given moment. When Spirit is calling us to higher purpose and accountability, we want to say yes. Most of us have no choice but to say yes. Spirit is very difficult to say no to. When you set foot on an awakened path, you no longer have the resources or precious time to have relationships unraveling all around you.

Boundaries practice is exactly that: a practice of honoring your life. Putting yourself first so that others will put themselves first. Releasing expectations of others to know how not to violate your energies by preserving them in a sacred way. Calling in the able guides who will help you stay protected even when you aren’t thinking about it.

And so it will be. This Monday.

 

 

image by Pamela Singh, Chipko Women Hug Tree to Protect it from Being Cut in Northern Uttar Pradesh, 1994

Who Cares What Others Think?

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Raven Queen by Rose Ravenette

Something that comes up in my circles regularly is the worry about what others are thinking about what you’re doing and how you’re living your life.

 

When does it matter what others think about you?

Maybe when your most intimate council of friends perceives that you’re acting from a hurt place and want to give you gentle feedback.

Maybe when the elders in your community want to advise or direct you based on what they have seen in you since you were a child.

Maybe when you truly are in danger of losing something precious.

I’m guessing here, based on personal experience and high-quality relationships. Answer for yourself and see if you can debunk your own myths.

I live a relatively independent lifestyle with little concern for what others think of how I’m parenting my children, how I look, show up in community, do my work, relate to Spirit, vote, etc. Not everyone cares to be so free-wheelin’, but what I realize in conversation with women is that most of their fears about what others think of them serve only to keep them small.

Self-conciousness is the opposite of confidence, and our culture seems to be obsessed with showing up in a way that will get them external validation. Why?

Because we’re starving for approval.

My theory on why this occurs is because we were reared during a time when it was considered very important to allow others’ perceptions about us be more important than our own, to the point of dissociating with our own ability to be satisfied and be “enough” for ourselves. Proving worth, climbing ladders, and showing off assets has sort of outlived it’s short-term usefulness, at least in my communities. What is here to take it’s place is confidence about the path you’re walking, and a willingness to walk it no matter what other people think or say about you. It requires strength and vulnerability, and a determination to protect your energy when you are walking your walk.

Detaching from other folks opinions of you creates room for your opinion of yourself, which has become lost in the chaos of what you think is expected of you. Your values rule when you can stand tall up on those beautiful hind quarters and spread your wings wide.

You are the queen of your realm.

And so it is.

One Way to Restore Balance

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Boundaries are those lines in the sand no one is supposed to cross. When they get crossed and you lack the confident and fair language to put things right, and quickly, a chain reaction of emotional turmoil tends to ensue. Left untended, relationships become unbalanced and sometimes end. Often after a boundaries violation, we’re left feeling disrespected, which is common in a culture which has put too many things ahead of respect in terms of core values. The tricky part is that we also unwittingly cross others’ boundaries because of how we’ve been cultured.

When boundaries are crossed, we allow others into our personal and private space. It leads to a depletion of our energy, which is so precious in this busy, modern era. The dimension we exist in and the paths we’re walking ask a lot of us! It’s important to preserve what we can and have a plan for how to budget our energy in order to take care of our most basic emotional and spiritual needs.

Boundaries are guidelines for how we want to be respected/respectful, but they’re more than that. They represent how we identify ourselves on the inside, and in the context of the world around us.

What are your basic energy needs? How do you conserve them? Honor them? Leak them?

And here’s a curve ball: What happens when we set limits for ourselves and then cross them?

For one thing, we compromise our integrity, fall prey to our own shadow behaviors, lose confidence in ourselves to stick to our agreements- all which results in a de-pressing of what is true and authentic for us. We get stuck, and can’t find our compass within. It basically seems like all hell is breaking loose in our world. We’ve given our precious energies away and are stealing unknowingly from others. We wander aimlessly not knowing how to take care of ourselves and be an asset to ourselves, our families and the world.

In SouLodge Boot Camps, beautiful, fast-track community conversations take place about how to be, what to do, effective language to use, and how to restore balance to an unbalanced world.

Some healing of thoughts, ideas and childhood injuries usually occur. It starts with us, and we have to begin where we have the most information, which is right inside of our own lives! Fortunately, we have guides (RAWR! SSSssss! Awroooooo!) available to model new ways.

 Register now!

Boundaries Boot Camp with Mountain Lion runs this Monday, October 6-20. Join our two-week, lively, relevant dialogue around the fire! 

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Superhero Bundle of Growth and Creativity!

I’m so thrilled to be included in this wild bunch of artists and leaders!!! We’ve had quite a year and Andrea has assembled us for a big party of superheroics. Thank you, Andrea!!!!

For $99 you can have access to my Boundaries Boot Camp 11 other amazing offerings like Kelly Rae’s flying lessons and Andrea Scher’s Treasure Hunt!

The sale ends this Friday, September 26th.

Sunday Prayer

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Mother Earth, Father Sky, all of the benevolent guides and spirits who show up unfailingly on our behalf,

Thank you for this exquisite day of promise.

Find us honoring the men, boys, fathers, brothers, and sons who surround us. Let us lift them high up to the Sun in respect and love so that they may find their way in a world which is trying so hard to come into balance with the Divine Feminine. Let them know that we support them, accept them, and love them deeply. Inspire in them a willingness to work together.

Mother, find them laying on your surface for comfort, climbing your trees for the gift of overview, and calling your nurturing energy up through the soles of their feet in a gesture of accepting your deep core medicine, too, alongside the masculine energy of the Sun.

Show us the animals, plants and stones that are medicinal for our earthwalks. Allow us to lay down our bones, and those of our loved ones, when it is time to return spirit matter to the Sky Nation and earth matter to you.

Hold our hands as we take this journey together. Show us ourselves in the mirror of one another, and allow us to own what it is in others that we, too, contain.

Bestow upon us compassion, tolerance, the knowledge that there are many, many ways to bring you into our hearts and heal what is broken, what still hurts.

Curl us up in the season we reside in so that we may know and feel your warm love.

Aho.

24 Hour Giveaway: 10 Spots in Boundaries Boot Camp

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24 Hour Giveaway! Enter to grab a seat in Boundaries Boot Camp II with a comment below, twice if you share the link, and thrice if you tweet. Let me know in your comment how many times to enter you. Yip!! Yip!!

This work of boundaries is so important to me, I think that everyone benefits from a solid practice. Education is needed about respectful behavior in our culture, and boundaries is ALL ABOUT self-respect and respect for others. One of the ways we bring it all together is with the natural and flowing use of appropriate language. It takes time and practice to get comfortable holding a graceful space of integrity around you! There are so many beautiful ways to take care of yourself with the right words, and we’ll explore all of them! Our approach is to “know what we need and ask for what we want”. The trick is to say it in a way that honors YOU and also the person across from you at the negotiation table, in a way that feels natural to both of you, which means sticking to the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

To read more about the 2 week course, go HERE.

Good Luck! Winners will be announced Saturday afternoon!

Sunday Prayer

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Mother Earth, Father Sky, Ancestors and Angels and those who have paved the way before us,

Thank you for this beautiful day of learning and loving.

Thank you for the water, the grass, the simple things we need to live and tend to take for granted.

Bless our paths as we leave a season of our lives behind and declare new footsteps, again.

Guide us to real freedom by showing us our part in everything-everything beautiful and of creation, as well as destructive. Both of are of you. Allow us to sit in our quicksands for as long as we need to before we can move forward. Keep us from hurrying the process of sinking and gasping for last breaths, knowing that it is in the letting go  we gain our sovereignty. It is in the ownership of the role we’ve played which will release us.

Humble us by removing our disclaimers, our qualifiers, and our blame. Find us sitting on the mountain waiting for the visions to come from you, disrobed of our arrogance, stripped of our expectations, devoid of impatience.

Hold us tenderly when we suffer, and amplify our radiance when we shine. Heal us with right medicines which open us all the way up, not shut our sensitivities down.

Teach us to nurture ourselves deeply and leave tracks for others on path to find us.

Aho.

 

Dare to Find Out

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Two days into working with Raven and I can already sense the fear in the group around what’s going to happen when the truth is spoken. I can sense it in me, too. I have learned many, many times that I cannot teach what I’m not learning. It’s pretty humbling to show up to the women who hire me to facilitate the SouLodge space with them while I’m doing my work right alongside them.

I think I’d be a hypocrite if I showed up to talk about reclaiming the Sacred Voice while I held my own truths back because of my fear of how they would land, or how they seemed to contradict the path I was on. There is something so terrifying about not knowing. The truth is that we know so little. Until we know.

It shakes us at the core and keeps us frozen in our tracks to anticipate saying the unsayable, voicing the risky business, casting our vote in a vulnerable way, making a choice to acknowledge and ask for what we want, because it could find us in a heap down in front of the dishwasher before the coffee has finished brewing.

The problem is that, if we don’t, a nagging What If takes up residence and blocks our flow. The chunk sits in our throats like dry charcoal. The never-knowing becomes a worse houseguest than fear, which is siphoning our life energy away by the day.

In the final analysis, it’s always better to be a fool than a silent invisible with a million unlived dreams and unspoken truths log-jammed in the craw. The taste of regret is chalky, and bitter.

The best we can do is cast our line with the Universe and then nestle down in the unknown and sing ourselves to sleep.

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“And there’s a very special property in the trickster: he always breaks in, just as the unconscious does, to trip up the rational situation. He’s both a fool and someone who’s beyond the system. And the trickster represents all those possibilities of life that your mind hasn’t decided it wants to deal with. The mind structures a lifestyle, and the fool or trickster represents another whole range of possibilities. He doesn’t respect the values that you’ve set up for yourself, and smashes them. . . . The fool is the breakthrough of the absolute into the field of controlled social orders.” 

Joseph Campbell

Graphic credit

Sunday Prayer

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Mother Earth, Father Sky, Relatives and Creatures who’ve walked far longer than we,

Thank you for this holy day.

Thank you for the lizards like tiny dinosaurs who catch flies on the kitchen floor, and for ancient dragonflies who are proof that the fairy realms exist. Thank you for the elders who have no time left for superiority or ego and who lead with grace and humility. Keep putting them on our paths.

Lead us to water. Allow us to drink deeply. Cause us to remember the waters from which we came, and how precious the water is today: once a free and clean necessity, now peddled in plastic bottles for several dollars each. Teach us how to protect the water. In that respect, we will also learn to respect the flow of our own feelings, which have become stagnant from dishonoring.

Do not tolerate us when we hop from consciousness to unconsciousness. Remind us that once we are awake, we can never go back. The sunflower blooms but once, spreads a mass of seeds, and is intelligent enough to keep the life cycle going. So should we keep evolving without trying to interrupt the inevitable, and let our wisdom flow forward. Show us by all means necessary that there is no going back to sleep once we have been blessed with sacred awareness.

Show us the rain and the rainbows. Give us hope. Remind us every day that there are not some people who are “our people” and some who are not. Everyone is our people, under one Sky, on the breast of one Mother. Teach us to honor the stones, plants, trees, and creatures as our kin, too, knowing that they wear such disguises so as not to frighten us with their power. Let us be open to being taught by them.

Aho.

Sunday Prayer

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Mother Earth, Father Sky,

Thank you for this reflective and pondersome day.

Thank you for process. Thank you for stillness. Thank you for the waiting. The watching. The miracles that always come.

Allow us our seconds of bliss so that we may believe that bliss is always possible.

Help us let the laundry pile up so that we can sit on the porch and watch the baby deer graze, the grass grow, and the spiders crawl across the steps.

Silence our beliefs in what is not of you, of awesomeness.

Awaken our sensibilities to magic, to opportunity, to doing the right thing for the right thing’s sake. Help us to do this effortlessly and without complaint.

Quiet our minds when it is time to rest. Let us move when Spirit inspires movement, and be still until then.

Comfort our hearts when it’s time to feel everything. Because that time will always arrive.

Let us sink our roots deep into your center and draw your energy up, while raising our branches high up toward the Sun and drawing your energy down. Let us save our own energy for the times when we are called upon to be the miracle. Let us use yours for all other purposes. Channel through us.

Open our eyes to all that you offer from your gigantic buffet of a gazillion beautiful experiences.

Aho.

(and so it is.)